To the Camilles, Phylicias, and Beyonces of the world…

From the daughters (and sons) who have wrongfully judged…

You are the Queen

Mothers

Grand, great and regular…

There is so much that you have

Birthed

Born

Bear

Struggles from within and without

The love and provision

Support and guidance

of the men that you have loved.

Victimized as you meet the needs of them and us, your children and your loves

You have been the “ride or die” type but questions from your daughter–regular, grand and great…

How did you survive the abuse from inside (within) and outside (without)

The love and provision

Support and guidance

of the men (and the children) that you have loved?

 

 

Reflections on the Stand Against Racism (April 2018)

As poetry month comes to an end, I find it rather poetic that like many other calendar memorials, I choose to color outside of the lines presented. In forming allies within and without the community where I serve, I am challenged to be precise in my use of language…knowing the difference between contact and context. Tangentially related, treated as synonymous (on occasion) but so, vastly, different.

High contact reflects close proximity, the thought makes me claustrophobic. There is no need for words (context–verbal cuing) when somehow the chemistry of closeness helps you discern exactly what is meant by your nearest neighbor, friend or relative. I reflect on row homes and projects where the fragrance of sin and satisfaction permeate corridors and building frames…for years. I know what you did, last night, last month, last year. I know your habits because, well, I can hear it, smell it and even taste it in the air.

High context reflects the need to absolutely use the standards and conventions of language to convey an idea. The manipulative way that you say “I am so confused” or “I don’t understand” govern the discourse…always. If it is not stated explicitly, it might as well not be said.

 

For Officer T, Officer L, Officer F

…may your feet be shod with the gospel of peace…

---

What do you do when you are both Black and Blue?

Black Lives Matter.

Do blue lives matter

When they are Black?

War-scarred flesh, not torn but swollen

Cells battered by unimaginable abuse

Bruised by flogging

Inside and out.

How do we-they protect and serve in our community when we are asked to protect our enemies? Within. Without.

Inside and out. The forces battling…

Internal

External

Eternal

Review.

Are our enemies protecting our right to serve…our community?

What does a Black officer do when she stands between two, three, four, more…systems?

Racism

Sexism

Classism

Ablesim

Structural

Institutional

Blind justice does not exist when you see.

Thoughts and prayers

Taps and serenades

Are not enough for those of us who are blue and Black: civilian, officer–be civil, officer…please.

Blue. Confused. Angry. Sad. Frustrated. Overwhelmed. Depressed.

Black. Skin. In the Game. Music. Love. Matters.

Yes. We need more PEACE officers in the communities being over-policed.

Servants prepared to stand in solidarity with what is right, dismissing their own fears in the face of significant hurt. We are not feral. We are not rabid. We are scared…so we run. You have run, so you know the sensation of panic Black Boy. Be BIGGER

Thomas.

Doubting…

Change will come.

Hoping…

Change will come.

Gun violence is married to police violence. Inextricably linked in fact in a way that fear and faith are two sides of the same coin.

What do you do when they come for you? We are not bad. We are scared. We want to live…today, tomorrow, next year…so we can see change. Fatal force at the hands of those who did not serve us well.

Laquan McDonald, Chicago, 16 times

Stephon Clark, Sacramento, 20 times

Today’s shootings are yesterday’s lynchings.

Make no mistake.

What do you do when you are both Black and Blue?

 

 

 

September

Torn…between the major and the minor

October

Challenged…by the debate between Black man and Black woman

Doubting

Thomas on top of the

[Anita]

Hill

November

Applied…to be judged by those who don’t know me but need me to be present

December

Torn…between old and new

January

Challenged…by the Black boy and Black girl

Doubting

Myself after being

Denied

February

Torn…heart between midnight and noon

March

Challenged…by the Black college and the not

April

Torn…away from childhood for something else

May

Challenged…by the tassel toss

June

 

 

My

Idea of

Contentment today…

Honored by your

Admiration

Energy and

Love

The normal sequence of numbers

That count

That order

That brings life

To Grandpa…Harry F Sr.

In 1925

That takes it in 2018.

There will be a trumpeter there with you to meet you at the gate, rest Hugh Masekela.

A civil rights icon too. Did you know Rev. Wyatt Tee Walker? He had a church there in Harlem.

Rest in peace Auntie Joyce.

The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord and he delights in his way. (Psalm 37:23)

On Sundays it is the hardest thing to do…go to church. The building that is…I am/we are the church, I know that. Our hands show others God’s love. Our feet demonstrate God’s peace (or at least they should). Our lips were designed to bless others with encouragement and yet, the call to go out and minister the gospel is a real struggle when faced with life’s -isms (and schisms):

• consumerism
• racism
• sexism
• legalism

When crafting my vision board for 2018, I made a plan to study God’s word and work to speak it daily to those seeking my “advice”–not that I am an expert in anything but flaws…

Here is my morning prayer, my scripture shower for the day: Thank you for quieting our anger and helping us to surrender control over things we cannot change that are happening in our lives. We know and are coming to understand that not by power or by might but by your spirit can we level the mountains in our lives and make them plains (Zechariah 4: 6-7); Only you are able to keep us from falling and present us as faultless before your presence with exceeding joy (Jude 1:24) keeping us in perfect peace as we keep our hearts and minds stayed on you (Philippians 4:6). We seek forgiveness for our trespasses Oh God (Matthew 6:12) against those who have done us wrong and to whom we have returned wrong. We are weak and accept your strength through the blood of Jesus that has cleansed us from our sins (1 John 1:7) and drawn us closer to you (Ephesians 4:12). We thank you for giving us friends and family that help us to know your love when we feel lonely, bringing us out of bondage and solitary, isolated moments and into the prosperity of your love (Psalm 68:6). Thank you for healing that comes from time away from the tension of disappointment. Restore us to the place of emotional stability and feelings of gratitude for your light. We bless you for our children and thank you for allowing us to be their shepherd as you have been ours (Psalm 23). We declare, that surely goodness and mercy will follow them when we cannot be there to see them through. We trust you dear God and thank you for this experience. Bless our worship time. Open our hearts and minds to receive your Word today. Bless the leaders in our lives, on every level. Help us to follow those who follow you. Give us a discerning spirit today and forever. So let it be.

Morning prayer: Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts like David in Psalm 139 (23); help me to know that you are my shepherd and I shall not want for anything (Psalm 23). Help me to keep my mind stayed on you that I might not focus on my disappointments or the tests that were promised to come in this life (John 16:23). Help me to have YOUR peace which is perfect simply because I trust you (Isaiah 26:3). Your word has posed the question ‘what do we gain from all our worry’ (Ecclesiastes 2:22)? Nothing; I know. I will strive not to be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present my requests to you (Phillipians 4:6). So let it be.

As a parent, separation is hard to experience and observe. Like two pieces of Velcro being ripped apart, separation of mother from child, father from daughter, only son from family is loud and disruptive–if only in theory. Like Velcro whose design it was to hold things securely together, its power lies in its ability to come back together once taken apart. Even though the fine fibers between strips have been changed in the disruption, they are durable and intended to change a little bit every time.

The comfort (and perhaps the safety) in knowing that at one time I could control the interactions between us is now gone. He is miles away with only a plane ticket and time standing between us…no…there is more. New friends. New choices. Some I don’t want to know about. I have to trust that the years of “seasoning” lovingly used to dress his daily experiences have been enough to tenderize his life.

Family is the bridge that both separates and connects us…it is strong and will endure, anchored in love and weathered by change. I have learned to surrender control.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; 
courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him forever in the next. 
Amen. (Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971)

 

Why is it that most things that make us grow, cause us pain? From a pimple under the skin to bunions on the bottom of tired feet, somehow growth provides seemingly needless taunting to the human experience. Bringing contempt along with it, evolution hurts.

Memories of previous aches–

Heart

Stomach

Head

Back

breaking pain that leads to loose

Bowels

Tongues

Lives

crafted for forgiveness, repentance, re-member-ance…

The need to put

back together the things that with pain and deafening noises of

deception and broken promises

have been torn apart…

On the other side of the growth is brand new opportunity to heal…